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Las Vegas, Nevada, United States
"No, really!"

My Favorite Bit of Paper Cup Philosophy

The Way I See It #76

The irony of commitment is that it's deeply liberating - in work, in play, in love. The act frees you from the tyranny of your internal critic, from the fear that likes to dress itself up and parade around as rational hesitation. To commit is to remove your head as the barrier to your life.

Monday, June 15, 2009

Cloud of Negative Energy

I had a bit of a bad spell during the 24 hours I call a weekend. Down on myself thoughts. A pity party of one. Besides beating myself up for hours about the marathon and all the reasons I won't succeed at that, I finally landed on how ugly I am and that's when I knew the party was over. The only remaining thing to land on in a snit was "I'm fat."I snarled at the cats, struck out at a friend who didn't deserve it, and generally behaved badly.

Finally, deciding sleep was a good idea, I died out and woke up more myself this morning. Not that "myself" is all that wonderful, but you understand . . .

My friend says that fear or anxiety are symptoms of not having enough information. The tips from TeamPrevention are helpful, but I feel like I don't have a knowledge base about marathons that is either deep enough or wide enough. But I know how to Google and I know how to buy books, so a stop this evening at Barnes & Noble is in order. I've found a couple of likely books and I intend to own them today.

I wonder if any of you who have trained for an event - maybe even a marathon, who knows? - would ring in on this: before I arrive at the Start Village on December 6th, should I have already walked a marathon at least once? Or do I simply train, going farther, faster, harder and go that morning whether or not I've actually ever done 26.2 miles?

In my ears right now: the lovely voice of David, Jr. David has the most wonderful son - he's out of school at U.C.Irvine and has come for his first visit this summer.

Something that charmed me today: David, Jr.'s head popping up from the stairway. I got hugged, too!


  1. Information and education are your best friends! There should be info out there on how to tier your workouts, plan faster and slower tempos on various days (and why!), when during a week to take on a slower recovery walk (recovery is the most ignored aspect of training and it'll do you in every time), etc.

    Sometimes the down moods come from training incorrectly: putting in miles that don't vary or from not increasing sleep time as you increase mileage. Overtraining is a well-known conundrum that can produce more than the usual amount of fatigue and crabbiness.

    It seems that friends who ran their first marathon did a long run of 20-22 miles before the actual marathon. I think my longest bicycle ride had been in the mid-80 miles before I took on my first century ride. There may be some percentage you'll want to achieve before the actual event.

    I know of one man who didn't do distance training but rather did nothing but intensity training (shorter strength/speed intervals with recovery) for one of his marathons: all his training was on the track at the college where he worked -- of course he had some previous marathons under his belt so this was an experiment, but it worked for him.

    Good luck with your quest!

  2. Thank you so much for this! In the meantime, the Badger has been on e-mail giving me some tips about increasing some of what I do and not killing myself. Increase enough to get stronger, but don't burn out.

    I'm grinnning! At work, David has a saying applied when someone has done something dumb, but is to be forgiven. It's real human and humane: "You don't know what you don't know. Now go learn it." I wobbled from insecurity and I was insecure because I didn't know enough. Now I'll go learn.

  3. Good advice given above. And you're neither fat or ugly, and you'll be able to do this.

  4. Oh, boy. She made me grin. You made me tear up. OK both of you. My aura is back in its usual zone, I feel supported by those who have gone before me and I have money with which to buy a book. I'll be OK. I can do this. There is no good reason that I could not be successful at this if I work for it.

  5. Having never run a marathon, I can offer no advice; but I do take my hat off to you, a beautiful woman, inside and out, for even considering to take on such a task. Consider me your number one cheerleader, kilt included at no extra charge. :-D

  6. Thank you, kind birthday man! I guess I had a momentary overwhelming crash because I have jumped on board to do this stupendous thing, said so out loud, and don't know enough about it. But I'm doing it. If you promise to wear the kilt, you ARE number one! Actually the home dudes have suggested they commandeer a carpet cleaning van, pick me up at the finish line, sit me on top of it, and parade me through the streets for all the citizenry . . . never mind.

  7. I am impressed by how quickly you pulled yourself out of the negative fog. When I throw a pity party for one it's usually a multi-day affair. I'm kind of in a tail spin now but writing it all out is helping.

  8. I'm sorry. Your elephants reference in comment to a different post made me think I understand the kind of angst you feel. Been there.

    When the black hole pulls me in, I put up a pretty credible struggle to get out. I don't want to give up a moment to negativity, doubt, self-recrimination or any of their relatives. Thanks, I've had mine. So I work on myself and I've learned to write it and share it. Not to pull others in with me, but to ask for an assist. And, as you can see, 'tend friends and other friends supported me. It's a beautiful thing.

  9. You have a beautiful soul. That comes through in your writing. It shows in your friends and the people who love you. Yes I'm reading your blog from the beginning. I'm snoopy or perhaps Linus

  10. What a kindness! What a good, decent man, human being you are. I thank you. I needed this, actually. I needed this today. Right now.

    It was a very good day for me today. I had to check in with someone I love and who loves me right back . . and I was validated, complimented and loved.

    If you are Snoopy or Linus, I am Lucy or Woodstock: Lucy for the kick-ass little chiquita she is, and Woodstock for the little feathers (hair, in my case) sticking straight up from the skull! I am glad to know you. I think you are far more than a 'tend friend.