New Desk Accessory

The Badger sent an e-mail to say "I need to get some yard work done while the days are not so blazing hot, but would you like to go cruise the bookstore before we have dinner?" Well, yeah! I've never been known to turn down a trip to the bookstore and maybe iced coffee could be tossed into the mix . . . When we arrived, we talked about which sections of the store we planned to visit, and went our separate ways.

Finally, the Badger called me on my BlackBerry. "Where are you?" Folks, I'd been in the Seattle's Best getting iced coffee, then to the Gifts & Stationery section where I bought so much Girlfriend Giveaway stuff I'm a little embarrassed to tell it. I bought bookmarks featuring Virginia Woolf (the author, not the cat), another glorious bookmark to send to my BFF, a number of pricey cards to write and mail, a pair of sweet little inspirational books of the sort that women send one another, a sarcastic book of the sort that women of a certain age send one another, and a serious book I intend to actually read . . . . I'm short and could not be seen over the shelves from which I shopped feverishly. We met at the checkout area. The Badger had a couple of serious items and his bill was $2.16. I had a haul and my bill was not $2.16.

I also found a little kit that constitutes a desk accessory since I have been dealing with particularly snarky people on the telephone most recently. I truly feel beaten up and require some new skills to keep my good nature going forward. There is a book of instructions that tells how to take care of The Despot, The Puny and the Petulant, The Nitpicker and The Sobbing Diva. I've spoken to at least half of them in the past week!The book suggests that the doll can be tricked out to resemble the object of one's wrath, but I'm keeping mine generic. Remember, I never get to actually see these people. I don't know what they look like.

Monday I came in and set up my desk accessory. The guys all poured in at the start of the day and we chattered sufficiently to get my little parakeets charged up and chirping for the day. "OK, guys, let's huddle before you start your day." We talked about good jobs and potential pitfalls ~ just like every morning. As they shuffled off for their clipboards, supplies and paperwork, one daring soul spoke up. "Limes, who is new home dude?" Said I, "The general public, homey. Everyone I talk to all day, every day." I swear relief could be seen on his face! "Glad to hear it, Limes. Glad to know it's not . . . " "Oh, home dudes, never! "

In my ears right now: Carlos Santana, "Black Magic Woman".

Something that charmed me: On my fridge at home is a magnet I've had for a few years since my friend brought it back from a cruise to the Caribbean. It is a voo doo doll. It's not generic white like new home dude. Who knows how or why, readers, but it looks an awful lot like Ex. I've had that magnet on my fridge door for 6 years straight. Its pins have colored pearl heads and really sharp points.