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Las Vegas, Nevada, United States
"No, really!"

My Favorite Bit of Paper Cup Philosophy

The Way I See It #76

The irony of commitment is that it's deeply liberating - in work, in play, in love. The act frees you from the tyranny of your internal critic, from the fear that likes to dress itself up and parade around as rational hesitation. To commit is to remove your head as the barrier to your life.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Did the Ides Turn the Tide?

I was sitting in the recliner enjoying a book. The prediction was that our valley would reach 80-degrees and I tended to believe it. The recliner is leather, and I was wearing "the robe", I'm a woman of a particular age group and phase of life - all the signs were there for "too warm". "The robe" is a thing of great tatty appeal. It is 100% cotton weave in a nice gray and black plaid. It has some details one might not expect because it was bought at a rather downscale emporium. As the robe was not purchased for me, it is not my size, but a mens' size small which is still large for me. It cost $4 on sale (probably because it was time for the store to bring out swimsuits) and the robe is a thing of comfort to me. I want it when I'm sick or sad, I want it when it's cold in the house. But I need to pay closer attention as I whiz past the mirrors doing my household tasks: if the robe is around for very long, I should take it as a sign I need to do some work in some area of my life. It is the equivalent of the ostrich with its head in the sand.

I'm enjoying my book. I'm enjoying the shlock I play on TV as white noise. I'm enjoying plying a needle, thread, sewing machine and surgical instruments as I begin to explore the most modest examples of creativity. I did not particularly enjoy my small foray into job-seeking last week. Mostly I got scammed, spammed and disrespected. That was by the potential employers who didn't simply ignore me. Now, I am not going to starve to death this week, but I need to make some changes for all manner of reasons. I'd even done the old "reach out and contact every past business associate you know". The results were less than overwhelming. Readers, I am not yet a perfect person. Nope. I still get angry and resentful. If we add some intoxicating substances to my anger and resentment, we get fireworks, but we're not going to do that on a weekday afternoon in the sunshine. Instead, I sat thinking of some smarty-ass things I could say to a particular man, like "Hey, when you said 'Let's get together and talk again soon about some options' I assumed that would mean within the same season of the year!" Or something. That's productive, and conducive to landing some work, eh? No, I didn't do it. And I chewed my own butt through several miles of walking for being so hateful, so small. It is a good lesson for me to hold my tongue. I can be impulsive, to my own detriment.

When the e-mail landed, I nearly fell out of the chair, for it was from the man I'd thought about unkindly. I actually blushed to read his name. The timing was just too close for comfort. "E-mail me or call me. I have a writing project for you to do." What the heezy? Not "Come and talk to me about something", but "I have work for you." Huh? Gainfully employed? Paid to write? We quickly made arrangements to meet and I spent a very sleepless night. He had told me generally what the topic would be, and I did some quick research so I wouldn't be stuck on stupid right at his threshold. Those who have visited this blog for awhile may be interested to know the man's name is [drum roll] David. Remember, he has many more business endeavors than simply A1 Carpet Care.

Wednesday morning, I fairly flew up the stairs on the back of the building to the upper deck. There were the heavy double doors, and I could see David inside with his partner, George. I leapt across the deck, grinning, and was met with "Look at you!" We met at length about a project unlike any writing I've ever tackled. Ever the office monkey, I took copious notes. I asked the long list of questions I'd brought with me. Finally, I said, "OK, I believe I understand what you want." David dug in his pocket and gave me a sizable amount of cash in advance for expenses. "What else do you need?" I couldn't think of a thing. "I take it you want me to do this from home?" They do, and encouraged frequent breaks in the pool or walking. George's style is different from David's and he hasn't worked as closely with me because I was always attached to A1 Carpet Care. He began to suggest and direct. "She knows what to do, George. Let it happen." And then, "Leslie, you'll have to let us know what amount is fair and we will pay it. We want you to get a chunk o' change for this." Oh, boy. "You look great, Les!"

David had me stay behind and he grilled me about every aspect of life. Where and how was I living, what was my medical condition, what was I doing with my time, what were the challenges, what did tomorrow hold? I told it all, unvarnished and unabashedly. It was the right thing to do. For, you see, I am employed again with every imaginable accommodation needed to make my life move forward positively. He offered, and I gratefully accepted, some assists that no person expects any other human being to provide. I wasn't even embarrassed to be in such need.

Get ready for corn, Reader. I like corn. It doesn't embarrass me to smell of it. I know what happened here. I visited David at the office earlier in the year. There were no work assignments made, no offers of employment. I wasn't ready. He knows me well enough to know that. He just waited. During the interim, I kept working - hard - to improve and heal. He could tell from e-mails and phone calls that I was doing better - on my way to good health and balance. He just needed to see me help myself first so he could step out of the wings and help me. I love learning new things!

I'm too excited to start the project. I've jumped around the internet like a flea on a hot griddle trying to start my research. It's not going to happen for a few hours. I am grinning, pinching myself, and I stopped at a favored store near the office on my way home. I haven't visited it since July. I left love notes on the windshields of the homes who have already called to say, "YAY!" It's been a very good day. And yes, I'll be writing more about my assignment!

In my ears right now: The sound of my face stretching as I grin bigger.


  1. Big congratulations to you!! :D Long time coming. :)

  2. @ Matt ~ Thanks so much! I'm so happy I could screech and I believe I will now.

  3. Congratulations.

    And I didn't find that particularly corny.

  4. @ Kirk ~ I thank you so much and appreciate your high corn tolerance. Sometimes when I am simply being earnest and sincere, people begin to exchange glances and I think, "What?"

  5. I am so excited and happy for you!
    Can we have details on the project?

  6. @ Cramcake ~ Happy, happy, joy, joy - oh, yes! I'll be telling all about it. So far I am learning some vocabulary that is new to me and trying to decide if I need to accept the generous offer of a research assistant volunteer. I'm not yet sure what I'd do with her. Just learning the ropes.

  7. Yippeee! So happy for you! :-)

    WV: revedn
    You're revedn and ready to go!

  8. @ Doozyanner ~ I surely thank you! You're right - I'm all revedn up.

  9. That's great news, Congratulations, Les!

  10. @ Numinosity ~ I am so excited, Kim! I'm sitting up in the wee hours starting my research.

  11. Leslie I couldn't be more happy for you ...hurray !!........xxx

  12. @ Artymess ~ YAY!! I'm giddy. And already BUSY!

  13. Sounds very exciting and you fairly jump off the screen with excitement and the happiness of being shown some humanity. And, don't forget, people want you to work for them becuase you are good at what you do, Les.


  14. @ Rachel ~ I'm flying 2 feet off the ground with excitement! I an so hunbled and grateful to David. Yes, I know he wants me because he appreciates my good work. But some people would have said, "Even she isn't worth waiting for any more." He waited and watched. And when I earned a chance, he gave it. I'm not so accustomed to that. Thank you so very much!

  15. 'some people would have said, "Even she isn't worth waiting for any more." ' - some people don't recognise a good thing or wait for it to learn it's good itself. Onwards!

  16. @ Rachel ~ You're right! I'm moving onward and upward. I've been hurt in life by loved ones who don't recognize that as long as there are humans in the mix, renewal can occur. But some people DO recognize that, and I'm moving on.

  17. I'm late, this is GREAT. I am impressed as hell, but not at all surprised. You got the stuff, kiddo.

  18. @ Tag ~ It's NEVER late on blogging. I mean that. I am so excited, as you can well imagine! Sometimes I think I've got the stuff and sometimes I don't. I guess we're going to find out. My head is clear, my learning curve is sharp. I've actually got some words written already!