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Las Vegas, Nevada, United States
"No, really!"

My Favorite Bit of Paper Cup Philosophy

The Way I See It #76

The irony of commitment is that it's deeply liberating - in work, in play, in love. The act frees you from the tyranny of your internal critic, from the fear that likes to dress itself up and parade around as rational hesitation. To commit is to remove your head as the barrier to your life.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Time Passages

I don't mean to go all Charles Dickens on the reader, but it was the best of times, it was the worst of times . . . if you've visited here before, you may know that I loved, loved, loved the blogging thing - both reading and writing - until I didn't any more. Until the reading and writing began to hurt a little and then torture and then undermine my well-being. I knew when it was time to get out of Dodge and I did. I've seen various bloggers take a break in a variety of ways ranging from a jaunty "see you back here soon" to an angst-filled bleat of agony - "Farewell, fond reader, I shall never return!" I just needed to go without comment. I have not visited any of your blogs or my own in many, many months.

I suppose that even the most tilted of us eventually begin to find balance, including me. Try something new. How did that feel? Good? Do it again. Bad? Don't repeat it. So many things in my life have changed that I wouldn't know how to begin to start telling it all. And when I had the first inkling that I might want to write again, I stumbled on "where to start" or "how to begin". Even I am no longer very interested in the results of the MRI or the CT scan, what the blood test results were on any given day,or who said what to whom about what. I couldn't possibly retrace all the steps taken across the months and I don't particularly care to relive much, if any, of it. What to do? What to do? Hmmm . . . maybe just start again, but give advance notice that this blog may not look much like its old self. I don't look much like my old self, either. Actually, I look and feel kind of healthy. Does that mean it's time to write again?


In December, still feeling quite damaged, I was asking myself that very question and I took the tentative step of e-mailing certain of the faithful followers who had made great efforts to reach me through U.S. Mail, e-mail, on the phone,etc. "What has happened to you? Are you OK?" I felt a little responsible to say "Look, this is what happened to me and I thank you so much for your interest." Some had even landed on my birthday last summer, and they get extra points. What I got back after that e-mail was renewal. Refreshment. Validation. Love. Support. I needed a measure of each of those things. Note to self: ask for what you need. You might just get it.

I don't walk miles and miles any more. I haven't been able to do so. I was afraid I would get fat if I wasn't in harness and plodding. I didn't. I'm kind of skinny (for me). But there's a photo op calling my name about 2 miles from home and the 4 mile round trip wouldn't kill me. I wonder if I could do that tomorrow? If the photo op is calling my name, it deserves to be captured and shared. I fancy I'll need a step ladder to do justice to any pictures snapped, but we'll see what happens. One of the lovely faithfuls of December asked me if my sense of humor was intact. It is. It slept for awhile. It is now awakening.

My beloved black cat, Virginia Woolf, and I were sleeping and when pandemonium hit at 4:35 a.m. The noise was unbelievable. I let fly with some words that do not bear repeating. Virginia Woolf windmilled across my body, bloodying me here and there. Once I located glasses and the lamp, I was sad to note that my much-loved oak Regulator clock (which weighs approximately what I weigh) had hurled itself from the wall, taking out several bins of CDs and landing all on the hardwood floor. I took it as a sign. It's time. Time's a-wastin'. I don't have any time to lose.

In my ears right now: As if no time had passed since I first heard it.

22 comments:

  1. Welcome back, Limes.

    Marty Volare says hi.

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  2. @ Kirk ~ Aw,thank you, Kirk, and thank you for December. Say "hey" to Marty from me. I'll try to hone my flirting skills for the future.

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  3. The clock strikes...what?

    Welcome back from me too. Smiles and hugs
    xoxo Kim

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  4. @ Kim ~ The clock struck me right where I live! This is what I am supposed to be doing, I believe. Thank you for the warm welcome back, for your good wishes in December, and for your many other kindnesses, my friend. <3

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  5. I am much relieved that you are alive and well. It's good to see you!

    WV--blessess: Limes decided it was time to blessess with her lovely presence again.

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  6. You were away? I’ve just checked when your last post was and I’m amazed. That’s why I need a feedreader because I can’t keep track of all the people I know online. It’s been a while since I’ve even had the time to do a cull of blogs that have died otherwise I might have noticed sooner. I say this not to make you feel bad but to put blogging into perspective. If I stopped blogging tomorrow I can think of about a half-dozen people who would eventually make contact to see if I was dead or what and that would be about it. And that’s how it should be. As in real life we have loads of acquaintances but only a few true friends. We use the word ‘friend’ because it feels a bit insulting to call someone an acquaintance but that’s what most of us are online; we really don’t know that much about each other and we can’t hold it all in our head because there is so much else demanding our attention. The bottom line is that you should blog because you get something out of it. There are so many other sites out there that we will never be bored. We might notice you’ve gone eventually and go, “Wonder what happened to Limes?” but that’s about it. Anyway, it’s nice to see you back and I look forward to seeing what you have time for.

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  7. Oh, hurray, you're back. I don't know if you've had a chance to look at our Christmas pictures. If not, HERE they are.

    I look forward to more interesting ramblings.

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  8. welcome back, leslie. you've been missed.

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  9. Pleased you are back ........here's to you feeling happy and well and I look forward to your posts again.......x

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  10. @ Doozyanner ~ You have been such a good friend, from the very start. it's good to be here again. And blessess you, too! I popped over and left you a couple of comments this evening. xxooxx

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  11. @ Jim ~ What a wonderful comment to read with morning coffee today! Not only do we have endless supply in the blogosphere, with blog friends all over the world, we can pretty much get it around the clock. Seriously, I printed your comment and carried it with me as I walked today, wanting to reflect upon your statements. You're spot-on - if this isn't self-fulfilling, we shouldn't be doing it. I'm thrilled to be back and am eager to write, tell, feel, share. Thanks so much.

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  12. @ Kassius ~ it's so good to see you here, commenting on something I wrote. I'm b-a-a-a-c-k! I did see our pictures, but only yesterday, when I first returned to the blogosphere since July. I LOVE our photos and am planning a little post to tell about what Santa brought me in the form of you. Stay tuned for more ramblings to come! Love, Les

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  13. @ SOMH ~ Thank you so much for saying so. With some things, if no one tells us, then we don't know, right?

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  14. @ Artymess ~ Lorna, it is so nice to hear from you. Thank you! I have other news to share. This very evening, I am going to lay out fabric all over the dining room table to design a project. It's true! I have been repeating something to myself: "I think I can make a bookmark. If I can make a bookmark, I can likely make a placemat. If I can make a placemat, maybe I can make four eventually. If I an make placemats, I imagine I can make a table runner." We shall see! Jealous - JEALOUS - of your trip to Bognor.

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  15. Les, I posted the flowers I was going to make into a quilt a year ago on Redoing the Undone, but it doesn't show updated on your sidebar yet. Have a look. I remembered that you, being a quilter were interested.

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  16. I am so glad to see you back, L. Welcome. You have been sorely missed.

    Keep fighting the good fight. Don't let the sonsabitches get you down. And do the four miler--you know I'll be right with ya' sister, if only in spirit.

    **hugs**

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  17. @ Kass ~ YOIKS - a busy weekend, a little day trip (sort of) and limited internet access. I'm late to comment to your comment, but had something to say. I will absolutely go to Redoing the Undone and look at your flowers. I'm very interested.

    More Blogger hiccups I don't understand: I follow Redoing the Undone and have taken the exact same steps to follow it that I've taken to follow every other blog I keep up with. For some reason, it never, ever shows up correctly (timely) on my sidebar.

    Another head-scratcher (to me): Someone follows me - it says so on their Blogger profile. I'm legitimate. Validated. But I've never once appeared on their sidebar. I may know the cause for that (what steps weren't taken) but it always makes me feel a little funny like, "Ah! You follow me in SECRET." ;~}

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  18. @ Erin ~ I was so happy to see your comment and I thank you for these - only your latest - words of encouragement. I'm doing SO well, and NO ONE has me down. I've done the 4-miler twice, as a matter of fact and I'm bubbling on a pretty fun post as a result of it. Just fighting the good fight, as you say.

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  19. As usual, I'm late to the party - hope you've saved me a sausage.

    Welcome back. I look forward to reading you as and when, my dear, as and when you feel like it! x

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  20. @ Rachel ~ You're NEVER late at my place, Rach. That sausage will be held for you in a warming tray until you come to enjoy it. I'm approaching the return to writing just as you suggest - when it is right and when I feel like doing it.

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  21. Oh lady, you got the bus runnin' I'm so thankful. I will be hit and mostly miss for awhile until I once again have connectivity. I hate going to the library but B&N has wifi. I'm so happy you're back and doing well.
    (wv)therapiti-well I know it when I need it.

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  22. @ Tag ~ OH, my dear! Oh! [Sobbing] Honey, connect when you can. It's all good. Hit and miss is OK. Could you e-mail me? Starbucks has it,too. Or call me. 702-324-8850.Please. I've missed you so. You'd be so proud of me. My 12-steppin'!

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